BlushSpirals

I don’t feel things lightly. I experience them at the deepest layer of emotional possibility.

So when I let my guard down and show someone who I am, and it’s met with confusion, that can hurt.

I used to ruminate on my feelings. I held them so tightly that they became heavier than they needed to be. Over time, I learned how to translate them into creativity—to let a song, a painting, or an expressive design carry some of the weight for me.

I feel in colors and symbols.

When I can’t find the words, I can usually find the palette.

Today feels like Naples yellow, fluorescent orange, lime green, earth green, ivory black, and flashes of white.

That’s what I mean when I say I feel in color.

I’m a complex person, and sometimes I contradict myself. I used to shrink to fit the mold of what someone wanted me to be. But I’m done shrinking. I’ve worked too hard and come too far to make myself smaller because someone else isn’t comfortable holding the contradictions that make me who I am.

Color allows me to live in the nuance—to exist in the space where two things can be true at the same time.

Today, I am hurt.

Today, I am excited.

I am hurt because I opened the gate.

I am excited because I discovered I still could.

Those truths pull in opposite directions, yet they exist simultaneously.

And if I’m being honest, that has always been the story of my life.